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#359975 - 06/30/12 06:10 PM Should I end it - help please!!
grylls12 Offline

Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 1
I have been with my current partner for 3 half years and I love her a lot. I could easily see myself marrying her and living the rest of our lives together. We have a 20 month old son who we both love so much, and she also has a child from a previous relationship who is amazing.

The problem is my partner has racked up a lot of debt over the years and everytime I question her on the subject she denies it. I have even presented her with statements that say she owes money and she always says she has paid it or worked out a payment plan etc etc and I accepted that to start with but its now to frequent. I have even offered to help her pay some of it so she can move on and she still denies it. I said to her that as long as it doesn't affect me or my son then I won't bother her about it anymore.

I found another letter (that she hid) that was from the council saying that she hasn't been paying the council tax on our house. This made me angry as it directly affected me so I confronted her about it and she said it had been sorted etc etc and was saying that this is my excuse to leave her. My aim is not to leave her I just don't want my name and reputation to be tarnished as I need a clean crime record for my job.

So today (Saturday) I was cleaning out the car and I found 2 letters that she hid that was a for me and her to appear in counrt due to unpaid council tax bills. I was fuming and showed her the letters and she said the usual its sorted etc etc. I said I will ring themm Monday and ask them myslef. She said she will ring them MInday, put phone on loud speaker so I could hear, and get them to explain the situation.

It is getting to the point where I am thinking of leaving her so she can maybe understand that she can't do this. I don't want to as we all live together and I love seeing my son everyday and her other child. I was also given her money towards my council tax but we thought it would be easier to make it come out of one account so we choose hers. I have discussed about letting it come out of mine but she then tries to turn the tables and says that it's my fault etc etc.

Any help would be fantastic as I am struggling. I love her and my family and don't want it to end. But, she is dragging me down and I don't want to be tarnished with unpaid bills etc etc when its not my fault.


#359977 - 07/01/12 05:47 AM Re: Should I end it - help please!! [Re: grylls12]
Ineligible Offline

longstanding member

Registered: 08/09/01
Posts: 15818
Welcome to A2A, grylls12.

Depending on where you live, you might be able to find financial counselling services that can help with this situation. If not, then you should discuss the situation with your bank. It is important to get the situation documented.

You will need to take control. It is a concern that you are accepting the situation that she will ring the council for example. You need to do things like that yourself, regardless of what she says, and regardless of what she does.

You will need to have a clear, written agreement about money and accounts, and how money coming in will be divided between each person's account (you certainly should not have joint accounts). Each person's expenses should come from that person's account. You should take charge of payments.

I'm afraid, though, that it seems to me unlikely that there will be a satisfactory resolution. If she will not admit the problem then separation may be the only option.